Women, in their pre-kid state, often have a ton of opinions about how they're gonna "get down" when it actually comes to mothering. They see moms, with their toddlers tantruming at the grocery store and throwing French fries over the booth at a restaurant, and they know they'll never, ever, EVER be that person.
Or, they hear about the mom who gave birth to her baby in a blow up pool in her living room while homeschooling her tween and knitting her husband socks for Christmas, and she knows instantly she is not about to get down like that.
Two years, a husband, and an egg fertilization or two later, and you're ordering your home birth kit while your toddler screams on the floor at the midwife's office.
Motherhood makes you do things you never thought you'd do, it makes you feel things you never thought you'd feel, and sometimes it just really blows your mind and turns you into your own mother. Here are 15 rites of passage we all go through…
1. You will be pushing one of those obnoxious car shaped shopping carts around the grocery store, kids pouring from the windows, while you bump into everything even if you try to cut the corners wide. And, as much as you hate it and what it says about you, you will get irrationally upset when you get to the store and all of them are taken.
2. You will miss a meeting or a parent teacher conference or a coffee date with your great aunt that you really didn't want to go to anyway and blame it on your baby. Never mind that you hated it when coworkers used their kids as an excuse for things in your pre-kid days, they're handy and whatever, it's your turn!
3. You will go out in public, possibly even to a job interview, with stickers on your butt and you won't have any idea they were there until you come home and get undressed for bed.
4. You will have to catch your child's barf, possibly in your bare hands, while in a public place that is not designed or even remotely equipped for open palm barf handling. Like on an airplane. Or, at church, dead center of holy communion. Or, at the table in that Italian restaurant they just opened within walking distance from your house. Or, and this one tops them all, the swimming pool. There are few things more embarrassing than being the reason the first day of summer is ruined for 50 kids. Ask me how I know this.
5. You will do every single thing in your power to avoid the car nap. And, should you fail in your attempts to keep your toddler awake until you get home where he can nap uninterrupted (because he's too big to seamlessly make the car seat to bed transfer without interruption and you refuse to count the 20 minutes you were driving home as nap time), you will leave him asleep in the car while you sit in there with him and read.
6. You will injure yourself doing some